To Understand Everything Is to Forgive Everything

We’ve all been hurt. Someone lied. Someone left. Someone betrayed your trust. Someone disappointed you in a way that changed how you see people. And if you’re human, you’ve probably carried that pain — sometimes for days, sometimes for decades.

But here’s a deep truth that most people never realize until it’s too late:
To understand everything… is to forgive everything.

That doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It doesn’t mean saying what they did was okay. It means something bigger, deeper — something that sets you free, not them.

Because when you truly begin to understand the full story behind someone's actions — their fears, their childhood, their regrets, their limitations — your anger softens.
Your heart opens.
And forgiveness, which once felt impossible, becomes a doorway to your own peace.

In this article, we’re going to walk through what this really means — not in theory, but in real life. With simple words, powerful stories, and soul-level truth.

The Story of Ruwan: A Brother’s Pain, A Man’s Peace

Ruwan hated his father.

His father was harsh, cold, and never once said “I love you.” As a child, Ruwan was often yelled at and never praised. For years, he carried anger. He promised himself, “I’ll never be like him. He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”

But when his father fell ill, Ruwan had to care for him. One evening, he found his father's old diary. In it were pages of silent pain — his father had lost his own father at age six, worked as a child laborer, was abused by relatives, and never learned how to express love.

Ruwan wept.

That night, something inside him changed. He realized: his father wasn’t cruel by choice. He was broken. Afraid. Trapped in the pain of his own past.

Ruwan didn’t forget the pain. But he understood the man behind it. And that understanding opened the door to forgiveness.

Why Understanding Changes Everything

We judge others based on what they did.
But we judge ourselves based on why we did it.

Understanding bridges that gap.

It allows you to ask:

What made them this way?
What pain were they carrying?
What did they not know how to do?
Were they repeating what they were taught?
Were they lost, scared, or silently hurting?

When you truly understand someone’s story, your heart becomes less about revenge and more about release.

And that’s the true purpose of forgiveness — not to let them off the hook, but to let yourself off the chain.

Forgiveness Is for You, Not for Them

Many people avoid forgiveness because they think it’s a gift to the person who hurt them.
But it’s actually a gift you give yourself.

Because when you hold onto resentment:

You carry their actions with you daily.
You replay pain in your mind.
You keep the wound open.
You turn your heart hard.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean saying, “What you did was okay.”
It means saying, “I’m not going to let what you did keep controlling me.”

You free yourself, not them.

Real-Life Examples of Forgiveness Through Understanding

1. Nelson Mandela
27 years in prison. Beaten. Humiliated. But when released, he said, “As I walked out the door toward my freedom, I knew that if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
He understood that his captors were acting out of fear, racism, and ignorance. He chose peace — not because they deserved it, but because he did.

2. Malala Yousafzai
Shot in the head by extremists for wanting to study. She forgave them. Not because she forgot — but because she understood that they were blinded by fear, control, and false beliefs. She used her voice to heal, not to hate.

3. A Woman Forgives Her Son’s Killer
In the U.S., a mother forgave the young man who murdered her son. Later, she even became his mentor in prison. Why? Because she saw his childhood — the abuse, the gang pressure, the pain. She said, “He’s not just a killer. He’s a boy no one loved properly.”

But What If It Still Hurts?

Understanding doesn’t erase the pain.
Forgiveness doesn’t always come quickly.

It’s okay to:

Still feel hurt
Still have boundaries
Still need time

But even in that process, when you choose to understand why it happened — your heart starts to breathe again.

You stop asking, “Why did they do this to me?”
And you start seeing, “They did what they knew, even if it was wrong.”

That’s when the healing begins.

How to Start Forgiving Through Understanding

1. Ask yourself: “What might they have been going through?”
Don’t justify their actions — just try to see their full humanity.

2. Learn their story.
Sometimes it’s painful. But sometimes, it reveals everything.

3. Separate the act from the person.
Someone can do something terrible — and still be a person shaped by pain.

4. Say it: “I don’t agree with what they did, but I understand why they did it.”
This is the bridge between anger and acceptance.

5. Remember your own flaws.
Think of the times you hurt others — not out of evil, but out of fear, confusion, or weakness. That same truth applies to them.

Final Thoughts: Forgiveness Is a Door to Freedom

You can spend your life reliving what they did.
Or you can spend it understanding why — and walking forward, lighter.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means rewriting your future.
A future where your peace matters more than your pain.
A future where your heart doesn’t carry weights that belong to others.
A future where you choose freedom — not because they changed, but because you did.

So the next time your heart feels heavy, ask yourself: