The strange psychological forces that shape our taste (without us noticing)
Have you ever stopped mid-scroll and wondered, “Do I actually like this… or does everyone else liking it make me think I do too?” Maybe it’s that new viral TV show everyone swears is life-changing. Or that minimalist, beige aesthetic that dominates every Instagram feed. Or perhaps it’s your recent obsession with matcha lattes. It feels like personal taste. But is it? Or are we silently absorbing the world’s preferences as our own, without even realizing it?
This is not just a quirky personality trait. It’s a window into how deeply psychology, social influence, and identity are tangled. And once you start questioning your likes and wants, you might discover that your taste has been hijacked more than once—by forces you’ve never truly noticed.
The Psychology Behind Liking What Others Like
At the core of this question lies conformity bias, a well-documented psychological tendency to align our behaviors, beliefs, and preferences with those around us. In one of the most famous social psychology experiments of the 20th century, Solomon Asch showed how easily people conformed to incorrect answers about simple visual perception tasks—just because others did. If we can lie to ourselves about the length of a line, imagine what we do with music, fashion, or lifestyle trends.
Our brains are hardwired for belonging. When we see something gaining popularity, especially among peers or influencers we admire, our reward system lights up. We experience social validation just by aligning our preferences with the group. And often, we don’t even realize we’re doing it.
The Illusion of Choice
Here’s where it gets trippy: We often believe our preferences are individual and authentic, when in fact, they’re shaped by context. Behavioral economist Dan Ariely explored how decisions that feel rational are actually influenced by hidden factors—like presentation, timing, or social cues.
For example, in a study by Salganik, Dodds, and Watts (2006), two groups of people were shown the same set of songs. One group could see which songs others had downloaded (social proof), and the other couldn’t. The group with visible downloads ended up favoring a few songs disproportionately—even though both groups had the exact same choices. The crowd created its own gravity.
Trends Hijack Identity Formation
There’s also a deeper layer: self-concept. During adolescence and early adulthood, people are especially vulnerable to trend-following because they’re forming their sense of identity. If a trend seems to align with a version of who we want to be—cool, edgy, minimalist, successful—we’re more likely to adopt it. Not for the thing itself, but for what it says about us.
Psychologists call this symbolic self-completion: when we adopt external things (styles, products, aesthetics) to compensate for something missing inside. So no, it’s not just “liking” that coffee, or jacket, or gym trend. It might be about saying, “This is who I want you to think I am.”
The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) Is Real—and Contagious
Social media multiplies this effect. We don’t just see trends—we see likes, shares, engagements. Suddenly, it’s not just “I think I like this.” It’s “Everyone seems to like this… so maybe I should too.” That small doubt is enough to shift our behavior.
Neuroscience shows that social rewards like likes and comments activate the same brain areas as money and food. The result? We chase popular things not only to fit in, but to feel good—biochemically.
How to Tell If You Actually Like Something
It’s not easy. Our minds are wired to blend in, not to stand out. But here’s how to start untangling the mess:
- Notice when your preferences change rapidly. Ask yourself what caused the shift. Was it exposure, or excitement? Or just repetition?
- Unplug from algorithms. Trends thrive on repetition. When you step away from curated feeds, you give your brain room to explore naturally.
- Try liking something unpopular. How does it feel? Is it freeing, awkward, empowering? That discomfort might be your real self trying to speak.
- Pay attention to how things make you feel—not how they make you look. True preference usually feels like calm satisfaction, not anxious approval-seeking.
We’re not as original as we think we are. But that’s okay. The point isn’t to purge ourselves of influence (which is impossible)—it’s to become aware of it. To develop a taste that’s less about what the world says you should want, and more about what genuinely resonates with you.
So next time you feel that twinge of “Do I actually like this?”—pause. Sit with the question. That tiny moment of honesty might be the most authentic thing you’ve felt all day.
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